When Your Phone Feels Louder Than Your Kids
There are days when my thumb feels like it’s permanently glued to my phone. A text here, a scroll there, a new idea for Valley Moms that I don’t want to forget. And while I’m half-laughing at a meme or scribbling notes for a project, a little voice is tugging at me: “Mom, watch me!”
If you’ve been there, you know the guilt that follows. Suddenly, your child feels more like one more item on your to-do list than the blessing they really are. It’s not because you don’t love them. It’s because you’re stretched thin in a world that is louder than ever.
Here’s the good news: you’re not broken, and you’re not failing. You’re a mom living in a world where phones, work, and mental load collide. The goal isn’t to ditch your phone or pretend you don’t have responsibilities. The goal is to create rhythms that let you breathe and be present—even for just a few minutes at a time.
Notice without judgment
Step one is awareness. Instead of spiraling into shame when you realize you’re distracted, try simply saying: “I’m on my phone a lot right now.” Or “My mind is buzzing with to-do lists.” That act of noticing interrupts the autopilot and gives you a chance to make a gentle shift.
Shame keeps us stuck. Awareness helps us move.
Create gentle guardrails
If I tell myself, “No phone for three hours,” it usually backfires. But if I set a 20-minute timer, I can give myself permission: This is work time. Then, when the timer rings, I set it again for 20 minutes of being with my kids. Work gets done. Kids get attention. My brain doesn’t feel as pulled in two directions.
Another trick: keep a “parking lot” note on your phone or a sticky note nearby. When an idea pops into your head, jot it down and let it rest. That way you’re not clinging to the thought while also trying to listen to your kids.
Reframe your kids from “task” to “relationship”
This one stings a little, but it’s so important. When kids feel like a chore, it’s usually because our brain has slipped into productivity mode. It’s looking for things to finish. But children aren’t tasks to complete—they’re relationships to nurture.
When you feel yourself slipping into that mindset, pause and ask: “What’s one tiny way I can connect right now?” Maybe it’s a hug, sitting down on the floor for five minutes, or letting them stir the muffin batter. These small actions shift your perspective and remind you why you wanted this life in the first place.
Allow margin
Sometimes, the best way to enjoy your kids more is to simply do less. Your kids don’t need you to be available every second, and your projects don’t need your brain on them 24/7. When you carve out margin—whether that’s a no-phone walk, leaving dishes for later, or saying no to an extra commitment—you open up breathing space for joy to creep back in.
Speak truth out loud
There are moments when motherhood feels heavier than holy. In those moments, whisper truth to yourself: “These little ones are my blessing, not my burden.” Say it until it sinks in. Your words matter, even when spoken to yourself.
What presence really means
Being present doesn’t mean being perfect. It doesn’t mean throwing your phone in the trash or giving up your passions. It means choosing, again and again, to turn your face toward your children. To notice their laugh. To join their world for a few moments. To remind them (and yourself) that they matter most.
And when you get distracted? Start again. That’s the beauty of motherhood—we always get another chance.
