Rethinking School At Home — Q & A with local unschooling expert Pauline Cook

For a mom who’s never heard of unschooling, how would you describe it in simple terms?

Borrowing from John Holt (who is considered “the father of unschooling”), it is simply teaching and learning that does not resemble that found in institutional schools. As a Christian, I will also add that it is a way of life, not just an educational path, where your kids can learn and grow the way God uniquely wired them, where they can freely pursue their interests, and where they can start learning NOW their unique purpose in God’s Big Story.

What’s the biggest misconception you see about unschooling?

That it is for lazy parents and, as a result, will produce lazy kids who do not know how to work hard or do hard things. I argue that unschooling actually requires more intentionality and grit, just because you are constantly on your toes studying each unique child (soul) that God put in your care, helping to lead and guide them accordingly so that they can live to their fullest potential based on their strengths (even weaknesses!) giftings, skills, etc. … as opposed to homeschooling by a prescribed curriculum and simply checking off boxes until that curriculum and grade level is complete.

Did you always plan to unschool, or did your approach evolve over time?

I always loved the idea of unschooling, but didn’t exactly know how to implement it at the beginning, especially since I still had hesitations about common misconceptions about unschooling. We started off with a boxed curriculum with the intent to tweak it as needed so I could give my kids the freedom to lean into their interests and incorporate real-life learning opportunities. However, I was still being governed by the school system mindset - fear of not “staying on track” or my kids “falling behind” - and within a couple of years, I observed my kids’ natural curiosity and love for learning wane under the weight of schoolwork and checking off boxes. That’s when I knew something really had to change, and I began learning more about childhood development & childhood education (not just reading about how to homeschool or researching curriculum companies). As I learned and grew, we made the transition towards unschooling.

What changed most for you as a mom once you moved away from a “school-at-home” mindset? 

The freedom FROM factory-model thinking (with its propensity to keep up with man-made metrics), plus the freedom TO let my kids learn and grow as God uniquely wired them, unburdened me from unnecessary guilt, stress, frustration, and overwhelm, giving us more joy in our homeschool days. Not to mention the freedom of time and energy I gained as a Christian mom to really press into organic discipleship opportunities that served as a foundation for cultivating gospel identity and gospel fluency in my kids, without worrying about getting behind or feeling like I had to play catch-up on any kind of curriculum we were tied to.

What does a typical day look like in your home — or why doesn’t “typical” really apply?

A “typical” day is that each day doesn’t look the same, LOL (I think ALL homeschool moms can resonate). However, we did have an overall rhythm; in fact, I actually time-blocked (I still do) our days even though it seems counterintuitive for an unschooling family! Time blocking allowed me to be both intentional as well as be very flexible as a homeschool mom; because we had set time blocks - not just for my kids to have time to dive deep into their learning, but also including margin time - it allowed me to pivot quickly when things spontaneously came up or it allowed me to easily say yes to fun, unplanned playdates/field trips with friends. Time blocking allowed me to “see” our week and where we could easily rearrange things, if that makes sense.

I also scheduled time, not content (which is something I learned from Leadership Education). My kids are teens/young adults now and have their own schedules that keep them out of the house a lot, but in the height of our unschooling days at home, I had “anchors” tied to meals: Breakfast + Bible, Lunch + Literature (that was our read-aloud time for living books), Dinner + Dialogue (basically, family discussion time about life, highs/lows, etc.). Right after Breakfast + Bible, we always had Collective Time, which was when I got to “lay a buffet” of sorts for my kids. I would share things I thought was important or relevant for that day/week/season (i.e. current events or the history/legends tied to an upcoming holiday), things that I was learning that I thought they might find interesting, cover subjects or material that they wouldn’t necessarily pick up on their own either out of ignorance or lack of interest, etc. They could choose to simply “nibble, then lay down” (aka not go any further with the information or “gorge and take a full plate” (aka run with the information and spend more time with it during their independent learning times) based on how interested they were in what we covered.

All other blocks of time outside our meal anchors and Collective Time were free for interest-led learning activities (including taking classes, going to the library for resources, going on field trips, etc.). We also had consistent blocks of time for chores throughout the week.

Do you still follow routines or rhythms, even within an unschooling approach?

Yes, especially as Christian unschoolers (there are radical unschoolers who do live lives willy-nilly and don’t!). I fully believe that God is a God of order, not chaos, and that we are called to intentionally steward our days well so we can be fruitful for His kingdom and His glory. Kids thrive on routine/rhythm because it provides stability to their days. With an unschooling lifestyle, however, they aren’t rigid, and their actual times of learning are not dictated by scope & sequence or a curriculum’s teacher’s guide but instead by their interests and learning styles.

Why is summer such a natural season to try unschooling or a more relaxed homeschool rhythm? 

Because summer already invites us to slow down. There’s less pressure, more flexibility, and more real-life learning opportunities, making it the perfect time to experiment with learning WITHOUT a school-like structure.

What are a few summer activities in your family that spark learning without feeling like school?

Keep reading both fiction and non-fiction books! Don’t stop reading just because it is summer time; in fact, super hot days are perfect for an outing to the library to load up on books (maybe grab ice cream on the way home for fun!). We also read content related to the ocean, beaches, traveling in general, and specific destinations your family may be heading to. That’s exactly what we did, and it primed the excitement for any family summer activities (a day at Lake Chelan) or vacations (flying down to CA). Even if we were simply spending the summer at home, we’d read a book and then do a fun activity (a craft, make a treat, try an experiment, etc.) related to it. 

But, again, if you really do believe that all of life is learning, then you don’t need to force activities upon your children. They are constantly learning just from living life. It’s not so much about making your kids do things as about having a lens that can see how they are learning and growing throughout their days.

If a mom is curious but overwhelmed, what’s one small step she could take to get started?

One small step? Simply observe. Watch for what lights your child up and what you observe about their learning style (are they primarily a visual learner, an auditory learner, a kinesthetic/hands-on learner?). When I was starting out, I had a “mother’s journal” where I wrote down notes about my kids. Besides their interests and learning styles, I journaled things like their strengths, weaknesses, giftings, skills, propensities, prayers, etc.

I know you asked for just one small step, but a natural second step would be to invest time in learning about unschooling/interest-led education/breaking free from institutional thinking while observing your kids. Books I recommend are: Dumbing Us Down and Weapons of Mass Instruction to help with making that paradigm shift.

What’s something a new homeschool or unschooling mom could stop doing right away to feel more peace?

Stop comparing (I know, easier said than done!). Other families’ schedules, progress, or methods are not the standard. Peace comes when you parent your child, not an imaginary one.

How do you personally define “enough” when it comes to learning?

“Enough” is curiosity, progress, and connection. If my child is asking questions, exploring ideas, and engaging with the world, I know that learning is happening! As a Christian, I also have to add growing in a relationship with Jesus (in fact, that would go first), because as long as my kids have that, I trust that all other things will fall into place as God intended.

What would you say to a mom worried she’s falling behind or doing it wrong?

Learning isn’t a race, and God isn’t measuring your homeschool or your kids the way the world measures success! God, in His sovereignty, uniquely and purposefully created your family with you as your kids’ mama and them as your kids … and He has and will continue to equip you to raise, educate, and disciple them well … as long as you are walking in step with Him. There is no “falling behind” or “doing it wrong” in God’s economy when you are first seeking His kingdom and will (Matthew 6:33). And even what seems like “falling behind” or “doing it wrong” is really God working all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) … which is probably a greater “homeschool lesson” than any academic subject can provide. In short, even as you endeavor to run your race well, ultimately, you need to trust and surrender to God, who is the Greater Parent.

What kind of resources have you created to help moms get started? Where can a mom go to find them?

For those who are curious (and maybe even hesitant) about unschooling as a Christian family, I wrote “A Christian Mom’s Guide to Unschooling.” In it, I share a little about our journey, how unschooling actually aligns biblically for discipleship, and practical wisdom for how to unschool with a gospel-centered, gospel-powered approach.  I also have a homeschool vision-planning guide, “Homeschool on Purpose,” where I guide you through crafting not just any vision but a gospel-centered one for your homeschool. Both can be found on my storefront: Pauline Cook (@the_homeschoolmompreneur) | Stan